Working Man’s Preprocessor - ardyblog.com

THE GENIUSES

THE STRATEGIES

Strategy A: MARRY YOUR COUSIN!

Also worked for: Charles Darwin, Edgar Allan Poe and Lewis Carroll
Why to avoid it: It can increase the risk of recessive genetic diseases, it might be against the law in your state. Oh, and it’s gross.
Why you might try it: Look at the list of geniuses above.
Then again: You’ll note that while a lot of geniuses engaged in cousin love, we don’t have a long list of geniuses who were the offspring of cousin love.

Strategy B: KEEP REMARRYING THE SAME PERSON

Also worked for: Neil Simon, Alexander Solzhenitsyn
Why to avoid it: Costly divorce fees.
Why you might try it: It could be romantic. The imprisoned novelist Solzhenitsyn divorced his wife during Stalin’s reign to protect her from persecution. He remarried her a few years after Stalin’s death.
Then again: It rarely lasts. Simon and Solzhenitsyn both re-divorced their wives, while Dorothy Parker stayed re-marrie but just kept cheating on her hubby.

Strategy C: LOVE THY WIFE’S SISTER

Also worked for: Charles Dickens, Peter Paul Rubens and Wolfgang Mozart
Why to avoid it: It doesn’t bode well for your marriage.
Why you might try it: The rewards are pretty obvious. Plus, in-laws make great muses. Mozart wrote his best choral music for his sister-in-law, while Rubens used his as the nude model for his most erotic paintings.
Then again: Freud’s affair with his sister-in-law was an important facet in his break with the “agonized” Carl Jung. The reaction was pretty self-righteous, though, considering Jung had had at least two extramarital affairs of his own.

Strategy D: CHEAT RELENTLESSLY

Also worked for: Lord Byron, Paul Gauguin and Wilt Chamberlain
Why to avoid it: Well, you could end up with “the clap” for starters.
Why you might try it: It can inspire epic last words. W. C. Fields’ last words were, “God damn the whole friggin’ world and everyone in it but you, Carlotta.”
Then again: It’s only romantic until you consider that his wife’s name was Hattie.

Strategy E: LOVE YOURSELF (AND NO ONE ELSE)

Also worked for: Nikola Tesla, John Harvey Kellogg, George Bernard Shaw.
Why to avoid it: Not having sex doesn’t sound that fun.
Why you might try it: You’ll have plenty of time to stack your resumés! The guys above certainly accomplished a lot while not having sex.
Then again: At the end of his life, Tesla was madly in love with a pigeon.